Attempting Humanity
by madelinesticks
Summary: Steam Powered Giraffe fic. I made a post on Tumblr a while back about The Spine putting on make-up and attempting to look human for the first time. I did that 'cause I was too lazy to do a proper fic. Well, I've done a proper fic now! The Spine has a thought cross his mind.
1. Attempting Humanity

The Spine lay back on the bed, idly playing with his fedora as he watched Gemima apply rouge to her cheeks. She was careful with her make-up, always, and he liked to see the skill with which she applied it, if he was honest. He wondered momentarily about trying any make-up himself, but the thought flit his mind almost as soon as it had come. He offered her a black-lipped grin as he stood and placed a gentle hand on her hip, walking with her to go out.

It crossed his mind again though, when The Jon had pulled him into some circus act to see the performers. There were trapeze artists and singers - both of which The Spine found very impressive, of course. Then there were a pair of mimes, silent in their (even The Spine would admit) hilarious act. The Spine stared at their make-up, and then at the make-up of the clowns later on, and then thought back on the painted skin of the trapeze artists.

And The Spine thought, "Why not?"

It wasn't easy to lose Jon and Rabbit. He had to distract them by pointing out an ice cream shop that they made Peter take them into, and slipped backwards to move into a shop for stage make-up and costume. He spent a fair while in the store, looking carefully at the different skin tones and picking them out, picking out pale colours for his lips.

He bought them and carefully stowed them in his satchel, heading into the ice cream shop and muttering an excuse about a glitched joint. He stowed the new material at the bottom of his wardrobe, where old gifts from Pappy and photographs of old girlfriends were similarly stowed away from the prying eyes and sticky fingers of his brothers.

It took a long while before he had time in the house alone. One night, Rabbit and Jon were heading out to some show or another with Upgrade, for whatever reason or another. The Spine hadn't really listened when Jon had chattered about the act overly loudly into his ear. Peter and Annie were going out for a meal together, celebrating some anniversary, The Spine thought. He'd no idea where Wanda and Norman had gone, but they certainly weren't in the house, and he didn't think they'd be back all too soon.

He retired to his room, locking the door behind him just in case, and settled at his desk. He pulled out a mirror and the make-up and begin to carefully apply it.

He'd practised, in the past. Late at night, he'd applied small bits to ensure he was skilled in covered titanium correctly. And besides, in the past he had assisted girlfriends in applying their make-up too. He was not, in truth, entirely unpractised in applying make-up. When he applied the make-up, he stared at his face for a short time in the mirror. He'd mostly covered his neck too, and it looked even.

It looked... Okay. He fussed over his lips, applying a pale pink colour and worrying over it for a fair time, thinking it looked rouged, worrying that he looked like he had a woman's lips. Eventually he left it to carefully try and make his eyebrows look a little less painted, and then fussed with his hair. He tried to fluff it up.

Eventually, he looked in the mirror and could see someone human looking back at him. A human with obvious photoreceptors instead of eyes, but no human would notice those anyway.

He stood and began picking out clothes - a plain, blue shirt, high-collared and long-sleeved, to hide his skin. He wore it with black slacks and dress shoes, not owning any jeans. He pulled on a jacket, and then his coat over top - and maybe, just maybe, he pulled the collar up slightly in a fit of insecurity about his neck.

He unlocked his door and went out, pulling thin, leather gloves over silver hands as he did so. He left the house, locking the door behind him, and began walking.

As he moved down the street, people glanced at him. Were he truly human, he would have given a nervous swallow. He kept his eyes down, unwilling to see those curious looks. Did they know? Could they tell? From his awkward walk? What if he'd spat out steam without noticing? What if the make-up rubbed and his silver colouring was obvious beneath the paint? He worried all the way down the streets, until he made his way into a bar he had not visited before.

He seated himself at the bar, towards the corner of the room where even his tall form was not so obvious in standing out. "Hey there." He flinched at the sudden word from the barman behind the counter, eyes wide. "What can I get'cha?" The barman seemed to have noticed his nervous stance, but offered a comforting smile all the same.

"Just- just a glass of Pepsi, please." He murmured, all confidence in human interaction forgotten. He stared at his reflection in the mirrored wall of the bar, worrying still. Human enough? He turned his head, trying to get a better look at his neck, but then the barman was back and he tried to look normal.

"Thank you." He muttered, passing over coins. He sipped at the drink slowly, momentarily terrified that the action would smudge the gloss and paint on his lips, but it was fine. It wasn't a problem - the stuff was properly applied and staying in place. He was terrified, in honesty. Whenever someone so much as looked his way, he wanted to cry out. Normally so comfortable in situations such as these, now he drummed his fingers anxiously on his glass. Someone could see. They'd notice. Someone would- would scream.

The Spine had made people scream before, people unused to automatons. He hated that. Hated how horrifying he was to some of the humans, hated it when they were scared of him. He tried his best. He'd learned to be charming very early on, learned to come across as the least scary of the more active of the other automatons, coming across as the serious, safe one, despite his physically intimidating size. Now though, if someone realised he was an automaton underneath though, they'd assume he wanted to cause pain. "

Hey." The Spine froze and blinked, eyes wide and frightened. Then he noticed the woman's surprised expression, and he schooled his own into a well-practised self-deprecating smile.

"Sorry. Was l-lost in my thoughts for a second there." He murmured. She grinned, settling in the stool next to him.

"I can understand that. Uh, my name's Mia. My friends kinda convinced me to come over here." He tilted his head, eyebrows raising.

"Can I, um, buy you a drink?" He stared at her.

"_Why_?" He asked, utterly taken aback with all previous interactions completely forgotten for a moment. She laughed, hiding her mouth behind her hand.

"Because you're hot?" She offered. The Spine blinked rapidly.

"O-oh." The Spine came to his senses, offered a slight quirk of his lips as his charms were remembered.

"A beautiful young lady such as yourself? No, I think_ I_ should buy _you_ a drink." She flushed slightly and beamed.

"O-okay." She mumbled, looking distinctly flattered.

"Uh, hey, what's your name?"

Inwardly, The Spine floundered for a moment, and he didn't truly think as he said "David. My name's David." But it worked, and she smiled even brighter as he called the barkeep over.


	2. Caught

The Spine carefully applied the last layer of the flesh colouring to his cheeks. He carefully moved his head, ensuring the panelling of his neck was hidden. Nodding to himself, he set his sponges and brushes aside, electing to put everything away when he came back.  
He pulled on his hoodie, stride quick as he moved through the Manor halls. He left at the same rapid pace, nearly running down the winding path to the gate. He moved into town.  
The Spine was confident in feigning humanity now. Though his gait was still a little off, it wasn't noticeable enough to draw attention. He settled comfortably in his now regular seat, beaming at the barman when he offered a familiar greeting. The Spine adored this. Loved to laugh and joke with people, have friends, that didn't stare at him curiously or step far out of his way when they saw him.  
Hell, Steve and Michael were brilliant, but he liked this too. He flirted and made women laugh, danced with them. Sometimes it was karaoke night. Sometimes he joined in.  
Those nights were his favourite. But not tonight. Tonight, he relaxed, sipped at his drink as he chatted about things over the bar. He mostly watched two other patrons get into an excitable debate about The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, occasionally dropping in with small additions to the conversation.  
He left at around eight in the evening, beginning to move back towards the Manor. Hatchworth and Peter VI had gone with Steve and Michael to some fantasy thing the next town over. Rabbit was having an evening out - this usually meant sulking in a park somewhere until the early hours of the morning.  
Norman and Wanda were at some function, Peter and Annie were at a different function. It was the night off for both Walter Girls. Thus, he'd chosen it as a time to relax, to go out as a human. The house was empty - he wouldn't be pestered or questioned or ridiculed.  
He pulled off his hoodie, throwing it on the coathook. As he did so, he glanced at himself in the hall mirror. He gave himself a little smile, pleased with the way he looked - how human he looked. The smile became a grin as he moved into the living room, dropping into Pappy's old armchair and making himself comfortable.  
He had the house for the rest of the night, and he could look as human as he wanted.  
He jolted at a sudden noise in the hallway. "Marshmallow?" He called, hands tightening into fists. There was no answering mew. He slowly made to stand, but then Rabbit was walking into the room, throwing a metal box onto the coffee table and staring at The Spine.  
He suddenly felt very much the younger brother as Rabbit crossed his arms to level a glare at The Spine, lip curling in something similar to disgust. The Spine felt something twinge in his chest as he looked to the silver box. His make-up box. Full of the brushes and paints and glosses.  
The Spine stared at the other automaton, not saying anything, his lips a thin line. Pink, instead of black. Were he able, he would have swallowed. Rabbit furrowed his brow, staring at the other automaton.  
"I came home, an' you weren't around. I looked in the Hall-a Wires, and then I looked in your room. And I found this stuff." Rabbit's tone was quiet and serious. He looked half-terrified between the unpleasantly disgusted face he was pulling. "And you're like this." He gestured to the other automaton, squinting at the flesh coloured paint.  
"Why?" He whispered, looking hurt. "You ain't a human, Spine. You can't be a human - you're a robutt. Don't ya wanna be one? Don't ya wanna be our brother?" The Spine said nothing. He looked away, not meeting Rabbit's gaze. "How long have you been doin' this? What if someone saw ya underneath? They could- they could-"  
Rabbit faltered and trailed off. "Pappy wouldn't like this. Pappy'd-"  
"You aren't Pappy." The Spine bit out, interrupting Rabbit as he noticed the way he'd straightened his back, slipped into the role of the best automaton, the one Peter had favoured, the eldest.  
Rabbit stared at The Spine. He looked hurt, wide-eyed and open-mouthed. "Sp-Spine, I-"  
The Spine stood, grabbing the make-up box and storming out of the room. Rabbit called after him, but The Spine ignored him, nearly running up the stairs. He slammed his door and locked it behind him, scrubbing the flesh colouring from his titanium with fervour. He pulled off the clothes, the T-shirt and trousers he favoured for his human forays, and threw them violently across the room.  
He near threw himself into bed, hiding his face in the pillows and pulling the sheets, black and satin, over his head. He knew he was being ridiculous. He knew that it would be more logical to explain to Rabbit, to explain his feelings. To let Rabbit understand.  
But no. The Spine slipped into stasis, forcing himself into it so he didn't have to think about Rabbit.  
When he woke, unlocked and left his room, Rabbit had drifted off outside his room, leaning against the wall. The Spine stared at him. He considered picking Rabbit up and carrying him to his room, as he had a dozen times. He considered waking him and explaining to him why.  
He did neither of those things. Instead, he walked down the hall at a quick place to hide in the Hall of Wires and hope that Rabbit left him be.


End file.
